I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
