If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
