Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My bed smells like the plague
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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