Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
