there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
