like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
