Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
