They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
