My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
