i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
