We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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