his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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