I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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