i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
