Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He did a backflip because drugs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
