It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
