tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
