Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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