My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
