its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
