I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
