You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
thus making me awesome and them whores
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
