Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
