I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
