god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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