Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
