I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
