I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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