meet me or not, i'm out of control
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
