At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
