I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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