So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
