I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
