I'm so fucking centered right now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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