Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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