he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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