I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
