Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
