I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
