we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
