You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
