It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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