We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
