We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
