he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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