I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
