I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
