we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
