new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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