you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
