if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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