Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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