nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
